So here we are again, you and I, me myself and I back at it again I guess. I was hoping our last talk together would be the final time. I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately, and how it’s affected my life both negatively and positively. I was so young when my parents got divorced. Naive, inexperienced, but smart and mature for six years old, I was indeed. I helped take care of my older handicapped sister, Zena, starting at a very young age, while another baby was on the way.
I truly needed to put all my feelings aside and do what I was born to do. I remember it like it was yesterday, the fighting, pushing, screaming. I always just sat in the corner while I heard my name being tossed left and right and i thought everything was my fault, like my help was making it all worse.
After the divorce, i remember hearing crying from the other room, for a long period of time. it was always two different cries. While my new baby sister was lying in bed crying because she was either hungry or needed a change my mother was crying in her bed as well. Man, she was a wreck, so i did what i had to do, i Fed my sister with a bottle in one hand and rubbing my mom’s back with the other, while telling her that everything was going to be okay… but what did i know, i was only six.
I never saw my dad much anyway, he was always at work or smoking a cigarette outside and I was always afraid to bother him with my stupid problems, my childish wants, my weakness. But I tried talking to my parents anyway, told them about my problems from school, or my feelings about what was happening at home. Instead they hired a professional to talk to me, and I saw her consistently for the many years following.
Flash forward to those years later I had this one problem, in the fifth grade I had an emotional breakdown. It was a long morning at school, I hadn’t done well on either my spelling test or math test, i can’t remember. It was during recess when everyone was laughing at me because I fell off the swing and no one came to help me, but my one true friend. So I was done, I wrote a note, a long one, it had all my feelings, thoughts and ideas on it. I had slipped it to my one friend, that one friend. She had felt so bad for me that she gave the note to my teacher because apparently what was written on it, seemed to be a threat to myself and I didn’t even know it. later that day, I was pulled into a room with both my parents and a new face, another lady.
As imagined, they asked me questions, we played a game with all of us together, it was nice. The first time they had been in the same room together, civilized. this is what it took, i guess.
Life is not easy, remind yourself that everyday. There are and will be good times, great times and s***ty times in life, don’t ever let that tear you down. From my childhood up until now, I think it’s safe to say that my dad is one of my best friends, and though my mom and I still fight, she is still my role model for life, she teaches me to never give up and to be strong, loving and caring to everyone around me. I think it's safe to say i’ve turned out pretty well and without these experiences, i wouldn’t be as strong as i am today.