Long ago, at least in doggo years, a beautiful dog was born. She was perfect in every way. From her lush, golden hair, to her deep, brown eyes. She was skilled at everything she did. All doggos, and quite a few hoomans loved everything about her. Her exploits were well known across the universe.

This isn’t about her.

No, this is about some heckin weird pupper named Peach who went on stupid little misadventures with other friends.

These are her several stupid short “stories.”
=====================================================================
Peach is Good Girl

One day, a few doggo weeks ago, Peach was loafin around with master. Suddenly, Paech smelled a heckin strange smell. She didn't know what it was, and thankfully master was doing a sleep. So as she mlemed with excitement, she sprinted out her doggo door after it.

After a long and grueling trot of about 4 minutes, she finally found where the bamboozlin smell was coming from. There, under a lamp post, was a heckin weird man with a tacky hat and d-bag sunglasses. Peach could smell his Axe body spray a mile away. That wasn’t the smell she’d followed though. The heckin odd scent was emanating from a little bag in the man's hand.

It looked like some weird pop rocks. Peach liked pop rocks, but these ones smelled flippin wrong. Paech walked over to the man and borked at him.
“YO DOG you want some rocks?” the man asked.

Peach’s doggo senses told her these were bad pop rocks, and that this was a bad hooman. She mlemed in alarm and scampered away. Nearby, she found a hooman with a blue suit and head adornment. She borked in morse code that was a strange man nearby with some strange pop rocks. The blue hooman looked heckin angery. THERE WON’T BE ANY DRUGS IN MY NEIGHBORHOOD he shouted as he ran off to the bad boi.

Peach didn’t know what that meant, but she was satisfied. She mlemed all the way back home. Later, she and master were looking at the strange bright box when a hooman came on and said somethin about how a “drug dealer” had been arrested. Paech didn’t know what an “arrested” or “drug dealer” was, but she knew she’d done good. Peach is good girl.
=====================================================================
Detective Peach

Peach is Good Girl. Peach was at home sleepy sleepin when master says we goes to a school. Peach was very excite. They get in metal square and vroom over to school. They get to school and Peach follows as they go to another hooman. 

“Good morning Finn, how are you?” says big hooman.

“Oh, I’m fine, thanks for asking”. Says hooman. “Say, you look a bit upset, sir, are you alright?”

The big hooman looks a spook, and turns to master.

“I’m afraid we have a bit of a problem on our hands.” said hooman. “As you know, we have red folders for all out students, to hold all their papers and such. Well, we’ve had 4 folders thrown into toilets yesterday. All High Schoolers, too.”

“Oh no, that’s terrible.” said hooman. “Do we know who’s doing it?”

“Unfortunately, no.” says hooman.

“Although we know it has to be a girl, since it was found in the girl’s bathroom, and no boy here would dare to go in there, trust me.”

“Hmm, well I’ll just put my dog in the office and we can talk.” said master.

“Alright, I’ll see you in a few minutes.”

Peach and Master went to a little room with tiny doggos with fins in a big square water bowl.

“Alright Peach, I’ll see in about 20 minutes, okay?”

Peach said “Yeah okay, see you in 20 minutes.” in bork morse code.

As Master left, Paech suddenly felt a sensation in her doggo nose. A sensation she had not felt for many doggo years. It was time.

SUPER DETECTIVE DOGGO TRANSFORMATION.

DOGGO COAT

DOGGO GLASSES

DOGGO FEDORA

WITH THESE ITEMS COMBINED, THEY CREATE:

DETECTIVE PEACH!!11!!1!

DETECTIVE PEACH IS ON THE CASE.

Peach needs to find out who threw red squares in hooman water bowl. Peach chomps the leash and starts her hunt.

Big hooman had said it was in girls room, so Peach start there. Peach sneaky snek on over to the bathroom and looked around. Nothing bamboozling, except little red flakes. Suddenly, her doggo sense picked up a heckin disturbance.

Peach flipped around and saw a little head poking around the corner. Peach borked in surprise as the head disappeared. Peach ran over to see what the heck was going on. By the time she got there, the head and the body connected to it had poofed out of existence, at least to a doggo with no object permanence.

Peach was gonna have to be quicker next time if she wanted to catch the perp. She liked saying the word perp. It sounded funny. Peach ran back over to the bathroom. She sniff the red flakes. They smelled like nasty water and reptilian anger. That seemed like a clue. Peach added it to her Mind Files ©. Peach sat down and thought about what she had found so far.

Angry looking head.
A hecking lot of little red flakes.
The smell of toilet water and an angry desert reptile. 

Peach had to put all of this info together. She spronted back over to the office where Master had left her. On the way back, she almost ran into some hoomans talking in a hallway.

“Yeah I think we should get him something other than lettuce, he must be bored of it by now.” said one hooman to other.
“Probably, Tortilla Steve’s got to be bored in his pen. All he ever does is sleep, pace, and eat lettuce.” replied the other hooman.
……
Peach was heckin stunned. She hadn’t thought she would ever hear that name again. Tortilla Steve and Paech had known each other for a long time. Peach didn’t want to think about the last time they had talked. Maybe in another, background revealing story.

Peach paused. A angry looking head, red flakes, and a reptilian scent. These were all signs of the one and only Tortilla Steve! Peach had to find him. Peach snuck around the hoomans and outside through some doors. She found herself in a large outside area, with a patio area and a little brick enclosure. Peach ran over to one of the poles and hid behind it. She heard some suspicious whispering from the brick pen. She could see a angry looking desert tortoise pacing around the pen.

“FRICKING HUMANS.” he screed. “Theys all hecking mean. They’ll pay for what they've done to me!”

Peach spied on Stev with caution. This angry boi had thrown a bunch of folders in toilets. He was dangerous, for a tort. Peach continued listening.

“I’mma throw all their crap in the toilets, Nyeheheh!” That’ll teach them!”

“NOOOO” thought Peach. She wouldn’t stand for this injustice. She leapt from the pole and pointed to Stev.

“That ain’t heckin happenin Stev! You won’t throw any more folders in any more toilets today. Or tommorow. Ever, really!”  

Tortilla Steve looked surprised, and scowled at Peach as best as his tort mouth could.

“Peach, we meet again! You won’t stop me this time!” Stev turned away, and slowly walked over to a little cave. After a moment, a loud whoosh could be heard as Steve zipped up on a little hoverboard, made especially for torts.

Peach was startled, but ready. She was Detective Doggo, after all. Detective Doggo could do anything. Except eat chocolate. Peach got into TDDBS, or The Detective Doggo Battle Stance. Snout forward, butt up, chest down.

Stev zoomed over and tried to ram into Peach, but she was prepared. She rolled over as Stev flew past. She jumped over and onto Stev’s little shell.

“HECKING WHYYYYY!” is what Stev yelled as he fell off the tort board. Peach rolled in mid air, and they landed with Tort lying prostrate on Peach stomach.

“WHY DOES THIS ALWAYS HAPPEN!” scremed Stev as he flipped off peach and landed, defeated, at Peach's side.

“Why’d ya do it Steve?” borked Peach as she picked herself up and dusted off her detective hat.

“What would you do if everyone named you Tortilla frick frackin Steve, huh? I think it's a natural response to throw people's folders in toilets. They deserve it!” he screed.

Peach stopped and thought for a moment. Even if people had named her Tortilla frick frackin Steve, she probably wouldn’t have destroyed people’s stuff. Peach had to put him away.

“Alright Stev, you’s going to tort jail, for at least a couple hours!” Peach borked.

“Heck that!” yelled Stev. He jumped back onto the tort board and zipped up, floating a couple feet above the ground.

“You know, before, I just wanted revenge on the heckin humans, but now I’m going for you, Peach! I’ll be back!” He zoomed away on the board attempting to look menacing.

Peach watched him go. She didn’t know many things, but she did know that Steve would never give up. He was too stubborn a tort.

Peach trotted back to the office, satisfied with her latest job. The folders were safe. She knew Steve would be back, but she would be ready. After all, she was …..

DETECTIVE PEACH !!!111!1!1!!

=====================================================================
Peach at the Beach

Peach was at home with master, doing doggo stuff, as one you do, when suddenly, hooman stood up and said “We is going to beach!” Peach was excite. She not know what beach is, but it sounded heckin neato to Paech. Hooman put thing in box and took Peach in big metal moving thing. Peach borked out of amazement. She did a sleep on the way to beach.

Eventually, Paech and hooman got to beach. There was bunch of weird yellow dirt. Peach thought this was heckin strange. But Peach still enjoy beach. They put down a little blanket and sat down. Peach was flippin overwhelmed with all the new smells and sounds. She even saw some heckin birdos. As it was her civic duty as a good doggo, she borked at the birbs with an indescribable rage. The birbs looked at Peach like “The hecks up with that guy” and flew away. Peach was proud she saved her master from the evil birbs.

After a while Master said that they should go to the water. Peach liked water. It tasted good, and Peach knew hydration was important. She ran over to the water, and drunk a bunch of blue stuff. DO NOT LIIIIKE is what ran threw Peach’s head as she swallowed the seawater. She’d been heckin bamboozled. Peach ran back to master and did a mlem to get the water out of her mouth.

Later, Peach was a runnin around looking at stuff. She found a little shiny and sniffed the heck out of it. Then a little crabby crab came out and booped the snoot with malicious intent. Luckily, Peach was trained in the art of Doggo Jutsu, and Triangle Choked the heck out of him. Never again would a crab try to mess with the Martial Arts Master known as Paech.

Peach saw some other heckin doggos. By god it was Bingo, the morbidly obese pug that Peach had gotten stuck in a tree with. “Hai Peach.” borked Bingo as they booped snoots. “Henlo.” replied Paech. Bingo and Peach ran around the beach heckin around as their masters talked.  Later on, after Bingo left, Peach ate some doggo food her hooman had brought. Peach was getting heckin tired, so her and Master went back to metal box and vroomed back home. As they got home, unbeknownst to Peach, a small tort named Steve was watching from behind a tree, glaring at Paech. “I’mma heckin get you, Peach.” he whispered. “I’mma heckin get you.”