Antennas to Heaven | Teen Ink

Antennas to Heaven

December 14, 2016
By JackB-H BRONZE, Fort Collins, Colorado
JackB-H BRONZE, Fort Collins, Colorado
1 article 0 photos 0 comments

“Dude, you awake?”
    “Huh?”
    “Awake. Are you awake?”
    “I don’t.. I don’t know.”
    “What does that mean?” Casey snorted, “Can I help you up?”
    Casey grabbed the boy’s hand and pulled him to the upright position. He blinked his eyes and slowly looked around as Casey squatted down in front of him noticing the name tag that seemed to show up on everyone here, Matt.
    “You good?” She asked, staring him in the eye.
    Matt was still, he stared straight ahead, eyes glistening.
    “I don’t… I mean..” He slowly stood up looking around. He was surrounded by grey walls with a receptionist desk on one side of the room and a door on the other. A man was sitting at the receptionist desk, he had a long scruffy beard and he wore a pair of Ray Ban sunglasses. He leaned back in his chair with his feet on the desk, looking as if he may fall at any moment. Next to the door there was a bench, with a teenage boy wearing cowboy boots and a baseball cap kneeling in front of it, praying, and above it was a simple white banner that read, “Welcome”.
Casey continued watching Matt carefully inspect his surroundings.
She stayed silent for a few minutes before she approached Matt.
“So, umm, how did it happen?”
Jasn was silent. He stood completely still before slowly turning around and facing Casey directly. He pointed his eyes to the ground and opened his mouth for a moment but no sound came out.
“Uh,” he whispered as he slowly craned his neck up and the bruising on his chin and neck became apparent.
Casey was silent for a moment.
“Oh jeez, I’m, I’m sorry. I mean s***, that’s... that’s like heavy stuff man,” she said quietly, “I’m sorry about that.”
They stared at each other for a few seconds before Casey broke the silence.
“But I mean I got hit on my bike, if it makes you feel any better, wasn’t wearing a helmet,” she let out a forced chuckle. Matt didn’t react.
”Sorry that’s not really… that’s not very funny.”
Matt continued staring ahead, silent.
They both stood for a few minutes, Casey waiting for him to say anything, when he finally opened his mouth.
“How am I even like lucid right now? Like is this just my brain like tripping out before it shuts down?”
Casey sighed.
“I honestly don’t know man. It feels pretty goddam real - “
“Don’t -,” the praying boy winced as he stood up abruptly, he spoke with a distinct Texan accent, “don’t say that.”
Casey turned to him.
“Huh? Say wh - “
Before she could even respond he had already sat himself back down in front of the bench whispering prayers under his breath.
“Ignore him,” Casey said under her breath, “Jesus freaks, am I right?”
For a few moments no one said anything, Matt stood still with his mouth agape and Casey stood awkwardly, trying to think of something to say.
“This isn’t real,” Matt stated, wide-eyed, “I mean I don’t believe in an afterlife, especially not one in a f***ing waiting room.”
Matt started laughing.
“I’m DEAD and you people… you guys are just like.. I don’t know, figments of my imagination and soon my brain will turn off and you won’t exist, OK?” Matt was now manic, pacing the room as fast as he could.
The religious boy cringed and plugged his ears as his chanting continued building.  
“Dude, can you just like stand still for a second? Please,” Casey ran over to Matt, “I sort of believe that too, I don’t believe in God, I mean Jesus I’m Buddhist. But look I’ve been in here for A WEEK. Literally a whole week in this s***ty room.”
Matt paused and held his head in his hands. He slowly inhaled and exhaled.
“I know this is messed up,” Casey slowly said, “But the one thing I know is that I am dead and if you’re not a figment of MY imagination then you’re dead too.”
Matt continued to hold his head in his hands. He slowly started heaving, before breaking out in tears. He fell to the ground and rolled over onto his side, gently weeping into his hands.
Casey stood still, before sighing and sitting down on the floor leaning on the wall.
--
Matt didn’t shift for 24 hours. Casey spent the whole time doing what she usually did. There wasn’t much else to do.
“F***, F***,” She would scream as she kicked the wall and her eyes teared up. She collapsed onto the ground. It wasn’t the first time she got angry and it wouldn’t be the last, but after a whole day of waiting she couldn’t take anymore.
“Kid,” she yelled. Matt didn’t move.
Casey stood up and walked over to Matt. She loomed over him.
“Matt,” she said.
Nothing.
“Matt, if you don’t move, I’m going to kick you. Yeah?” She stared at Matt, “This is your fair warning.”
Nothing.
So Casey kicked him.
Still nothing.
She kicked him again.
“Come on man, please.” She was on the verge of tears.
“If this is the afterlife don’t you think it would be nice to have someone to talk to?” She closed her eyes, “Please, I can’t spend the rest of eternity in a dentist's waiting room, with some kid who’s too busy worshiping to even acknowledge me.“
She stared at Matt.
Nothing.
She slowly inhaled and violently exhaled. She squinted her eyes and tried to control her breathing. She finally moved back to the wall and sat.
She closed her eyes and didn’t move. Until finally she heard someone stirring. She opened her eyes and saw Matt sitting up. His eyes were wide open and his face was stoic. Without saying a word, he walked over to Casey and sat down next to her.
They sat staring ahead. Casey smiled.
“So, how old are you?”
Matt sat for a moment before taking a short breath in.
“16, you?”
“19.”
“Cool.”
“Where does that door lead?” Jason waved towards the door.
“Don’t know, it doesn’t open.” Casey shrugged.
Matt looked over to the receptionist desk.
“Who’s he?”
He directed his focus to the man leaning back in the chair.
“I dunno, haven’t heard him say a word since I got here.” Casey said.
“Oh.”
Silence.
“So, umm, do you really think this is just some trip? Like before our brain completely shuts down?”
Matt frowned for a moment.
“Well I don’t believe in afterlife, so yeah.” Matt said quietly, “It better be.”
Casey frowned.
“Well I don’t believe in an afterlife either, but I’ve never had a dream this real. I mean, I can… I can feel, emotions and pain. That doesn’t happen in a dream.”
She stared at Matt.
“Yeah I know,” Matt winced.
“But you.. You killed yourself,” Casey paused, “Isn’t this kind of what you wanted?
The room was silent for a moment. Matt slowly grimaced and closed his eyes.
“Well considering I was looking forward to nothingness, not exactly.”
Casey turned away.
“Jesus Ch -”
    “SHUT UP. SHUT UP. SHUT UP.” The praying boys hat fell off as he leaped up and turned towards them, “Don’t say that.”
    His name tag was now exposed, it read Elijah.
    Casey snorted,
    “For chrissake dude, calm down.”
    Before either could react, Elijah charged over to Casey and pushed her against the wall. He grabbed her face and held it to his.Casey could make out each one of his yellowed teeth and his ragged hair had been swept in front of his eyes. His expression wasn’t manic, it wasn’t gleeful, it was simply blank.
    “Exodus 20:7, Thou shalt not take the name of the Lord thy God in vain.”
    Matt jumped up and jerked him away from Casey. Casey was frozen and Elijah stood frozen for a moment. He then hurried back to the bench before continuing his praying.
    Casey and Matt stared at Elijah for a moment before moving to the back of the room and sitting down. They stood in silence for a short while, Casey’s eyes were wide open.
    “F***,” Matt said, “Jesus freaks am I right?”
    For a moment they both smiled.
--
    “So what if this is heaven?” Matt said, “You know what if the Bible really was completely true.”
    Casey snorted.
    “God I hope not, I don’t want to live in a world where Christians are right.”
    Matt grinned.
    “Yeah me neither.”
    Casey smiled.
    “I mean that’s a lot of people who are wrong, you know?” Casey laughed, “That’s like every single atheist, every Buddhist and Hindu, every philosopher.”
    They both smiled at the thought.
    “I mean can you imagine like Albert Camus and Kierkegaard dying and just waking up in heaven?” Casey continued smiling, “Like them just thinking, Well f***, guess we were wrong.”
    They both laughed for a moment before Casey noticed that Matt’s face had gone blank.
    “You alright?”
    Matt’s eyes were tearing up.
    “I just.. I don’t know who Albert Camus and Kierkegaard are.”
    “Well you don’t need to cry about it,” Casey laughed, “They’re just philosophers you know? Existentialists.”
    Matt took a large breath in.
    “Yeah I assumed, but if you know who they are and I don’t,” Matt winced, “That means you’re a different person than me.”
    Casey looked puzzled for a moment.
“Well of course I’m a different person-”   
Casey exhaled sharply.
    “And that means that I’m not a figment of your imagination,” Casey said quietly.
    Silence.
    “So I guess this is the afterlife.” Matt’s face was expressionless. Any glimpse of humor he had felt a moment ago was gone.
    “I guess so.” Casey whispered.
    They looked around at their eternal resting place. The grey brick wall, the white tiles making up the ceiling, the blue wool carpeting they were sitting on.
They both stood completely still and completely silent, but then they heard something, a phone ring.
They looked up to the receptionist desk and saw the man pick up a phone. He held it to his ear. He would occasionally say yes or give a grunt of understanding in a deep husky voice and after about a minute of these responses he set the phone back down.
“Elijah Johnston, you’re up next.” The man said disinterested.
Elijah stood up in a flash. He looked to the ceiling and held his hands above his head.
“Amen.” He said, before racing through the door.
--
“PLEASE,” Casey screamed at the man for what seemed to be the hundredth time, “Please, just let me through.”
Once again the man completely ignored her and continued napping in his chair. Casey rubbed her temples before kicking the wall and letting out one last screaming fit.
“Please, stop,” Matt looked up at Casey, “Sit down, Elijah got through, we will too.”
“Shut the f*** up Matt. I’ve been in here for THREE WEEKS. I’ve been dead for THREE WEEKS. Do you know how...” Casey was rabid, “you know how f***ed up that is?”
Matt stared at her.
“This isn’t some trip or vacation, we’re not having a f***ing, I don’t know, a f***ing leisurely trip to the afterlife. This. Is. It.”
She slowly sank down to the ground next to Matt as his eyes teared up.
“This is it.” He looked at her.
Casey’s face was contorted into a grimace.
“This is it.”
They slowly inhaled, when they heard a noise. The phone was ringing.
“Yeah? Ok. Uh. Yup. Alright.” The man hung up the phone.
“Casey Stein.”
Casey exhaled.
--
Casey entered the small square room. In front of her was a simple desk, wood top, metallic filing cabinets below. Across from her was a man.
She sat down across from the man. She looked at the man and opened her mouth but before she could say anything he spoke.
“Name?”
“Um, Casey Stein.”
“Gender.”
“Female.”
“Age?”
“19”
“Ethnicity?”
“Whi- caucasian.”
“Sexuality?”
Casey swallowed.
Before she could answer he had moved on.
“Please proceed through the door on your left.”
She stared at this man. Is this god? Is this the guy billions of people are worshiping?
“Don’t I need to.. Shouldn’t I answer the question?”
He didn’t answer. He simply started dialing a number on the phone sitting in front of him. Casey sat for a moment. She slowly stood up and walked to the door on the left. She opened it and walked through.
“Welcome to Hell”, the banner hung above a table. A few coolers sat on the table next to a stack of cups. She looked at her surroundings, the room was nearly identical to the waiting room she had just spent the past three weeks in. Grey brick walls, white tiled ceiling, itchy blue carpeting. The only difference was that this room seemed to extend for an infinite amount of space and it looked like it was stuffed wall to wall with people.
Casey stared at the banner, before making her way through the mob to an open bench and sitting next to a now silent Elijah.
Casey didn’t move for a while. She stared at the door, as religious people and atheists walked through. As gay and straight people first noticed the sign hanging above the table. Tall and short, black and white, every person imaginable and she couldn’t help but laugh. That was god. She thought. That was the guy billions of people worshipped.
--
Casey, Matt, and Elijah sat on the bench. Elijah had replaced his praying with sobs and screams, but Matt and Casey sat still.
They didn’t move for a while. They sat there for days, weeks, who knows, they had plenty of time. They listened to Elijah and countless others just like him scream and yell.
After what seemed to be an infinite amount of silence Casey finally broke it.
“You know,” Casey finally whispered,”Something that kind of makes me feel better is that um…”
She paused.
“Our bodies are like buried in a, you know, physical corporeal place right now.”
Matt looked at her.
“How the f*** does that make you feel better?” Matt stared at her and gestured to the banner, “We’re literally in hell.”
Casey swallowed.
“Well you know maybe this isn’t real and what we’re experiencing is basically you know, like you said, just a drug trip, a radio signal being sent by our bodies, up to wherever we are.”
Matt frowned.
“I thought we confirmed that this was real, we -”
Well, f*** that!” Casey lashed, “That doesn’t prove a f***ing thing. I’m going to choose to believe that this is just some… Jesus I don’t know, some sort of signal being sent by our brains in its dying moments, you know? I’m going to choose to believe that our bodies are just acting as some sort of antenna to heaven and eventually the signal it’s sending is going to fade and maybe then we’ll get some of that eternal nothingness you told me all about.”
Matt was silent for a moment before he smiled.
“You know, antennas receive,” Matt looked at Casey, “they don’t transmit.”
Casey looked at Matt with a blank expression.
“Alright, well thanks for invalidating the only goddam thing that was making this bearable.”
Matt continued smiling and relaxed in his seat.
“No, I like that,” Matt closed his eyes, “There’s something poetic about that you know? Antennas to Heaven, I like that.”
For a moment they both smiled. They relaxed and closed their eyes.
When they opened their eyes both of their smiles faded fast.


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