In a dramatic tale of love and war…. Nah, I’m just kidding, this tale is about a dinosaur-monkey hybrid named Carl, but he isn’t just any dinosaur-monkey hybrid, he is a beautiful combination of a stegosaurus and a capuchin monkey.
Carl lived an exuberant life as a pun salesman. He would go all over his home city of Cleveland, Italy selling puns to all those he’d meet. The town was unspeakably bland, but that was okay, because Carl was superhero to this bland city. He did everything he could to keep the people of Cleveland happy with the puns that he provided to them.
One day, it was rainy and the day after that something important happened. That was the day Carl’s arch nemesis, Kristen Stewart arrived. She always brought about an onslaught of nothingness. A drought of cheer. A tidal wave “blah,” “blerg,” and other onomatopoeias that could surly destroy the universe.
She had to be stopped and that was just what Carl aimed to do. He prepared his best jokes. The morning before confrontation he practiced them in the mirror. “What do you call a fish with no eyes?” he questioned to himself. “A fsh!” he responded. He even did a little head swivel when he answered that sassily. He kept going…
“My anatomy teacher brought in a box of bones and asked us to identify them. I picked one up and told her ‘I found this humerus.’”
“Two fish are in a tank, one turns to the other and says ‘do you know how to drive this thing?’”
“I’ve been reading a fascinating book about anti-gravity, I can’t put it down!”
“I did I one man show about puns, it was a play on words!”
Carl then proceeded to say a few affirmations to himself just to be safe. After that, he went out on the town and searched high and low for Kristen. Eventually, he found her sitting on the edge of a well in a secluded part of the city.
“Carl,” she said in a very un-dramatic, ill-passionate way. “I was expecting you.”
“Good,” he said, “Then you won’t be surprised when I defeat you and you have no other choice but to leave Cleveland once and for all.”
“Hit me with your best shot!” she yelled (very boringly and with no inflection whatsoever).
Carl gave it his all. He said pun after pun, but Kristen wouldn’t even crack a smile.
“Is that all you’ve got?” she asked.
Carl dug deep into his psyche. He knew it was gonna take everything he had to defeat her. Which was when he delivered his best pun yet:
“Why do girls travel in odd numbers?” he asked.
“Why?”
“Because they can’t even.”
There was a moment of silence between them. They just stood there, staring at each other, but then something miraculous happened. Kristen Stewart cracked a smile. Not only did she do that, but she started to laugh. She was laughing hysterically. She laughed so hard that she leaned backwards and fell down the well.
She was trapped. “Help,” she yelled, “I’ve fallen and I can’t get up!” So Carl yelled for his best friend, “Lassie!”
THE END