The carpet was worn all the way through. It fit with the ragged and run-down house. The house that held deaths... death that I caused through my own youth and innocence. Through my want to fit in. I can’t forget.

Every time I close my eyes, I envision my hand holding that knife, slipping it hungrily into her heart, a fatal blow. I remember it clearly, the memory of it a shard in a dark alley , a dagger in my mind . Stuck, but I can’t remove it, no matter how hard I try. I can’t remove it.

I filled the rest of it with feathers and fluff, with innocent things to cover up the painful thoughts. It seems impossible though... I can’t take it. I close my eyes, I shut them tight, I squeeze them hard ... but all I see is death, blood, pain. I can’t take it.

Why not? I agreed. I said yes. I joined the gang, the gang that now has disbanded and disappeared into nothingness after the police arrested them all, after they lied to let me go, to let me live with my memories forever, tainted with red. It seemed so cool at first, so fun to be able to control the lives of those weaker than you. The power, the control, the thirst - I can’t control it.

I was wrong. I will always see her face now…in my dreams, in my nightmares, in my sleep , next to me. Taunting me on living . Why can’t I die too ? I murdered somebody in cold blood . Just for the fun of holding power over someone. I can’t take it anymore...

But now I know - it was never me with the power. She is the one with the power now, making my life a misery, showing up everywhere... life is no longer worth living if all I see are deaths, blood . If all I hear is the high-pitched scream that tore itself from her throat as I thrust that dagger…I can’t take it .

Can I ? Just take my life too, please. It started with death...

And I’m going to make sure it ends with death, so the problems I have caused don’t have to continue and hurt other people...

I could never go back.

I reached for the dagger.

I never worried again.