I have super powers. Yes, I know, that’s impossible. But really, I have a super power. No, it’s more like.. Magic. But, unlike characters from stories, I have my flaws. I am able to change my appearance, at any giving moment, but something gets taken away from me. My loved ones die, each time I wish that I look like someone else. I have to learn how to control my power, keep it hidden. When I was younger (two years ago) I wished that I had perfect, creamy skin, sharp green eyes, and beautiful auburn hair. Well, I got my wish, but then that exact moment, my best friend was killed. But that’s not how I learned that I had to give something up. Two days later I wished that I had bright red hair, instead of auburn. My grandma had a heart attack. But that’s not when I found out about what I can do.


Four days ago, I again wished for auburn hair. My dad died. Just randomly. I was wishing it while talking to him, and then it happened. That’s when I knew. I just knew that I was killing my loved ones. It was all my fault. Sure, maybe I’m the prettiest girl in town, but not even that makes up for my dead family and friend. I have to control my wishing, keep it low. No, never, ever do it. Sure, maybe it’s like what they say, ‘pain makes beauty’. But not this kind of pain. I could stand sitting down, getting my hair ripped out, scars on my face, maybe even breaking my bones. But this kind of pain, it’s like being tortured for days. No food, no water, blood everywhere. But most of all, no loved ones to ever be seen again.


I wish that this never happened to me. That my family never died. I want this pain to be over. But instead, I have to go on living, day by day, week by week, month by month. My boyfriend doesn’t understand. He doesn’t even know. The only person that knows is my mom. She, too, knows that it’s my fault that they are all dead. That I should be put into jail.


None of my friends at school understand the pain that I am going through; why I don’t smile every morning when they tell a funny joke. They can’t be there for me, patting my back sympathetically or telling me that everything is going to be alright. Not even my boyfriend can do that. My teachers see my pain daily; it’s there on their faces, too, hidden deep in the shadows. But since my pain has been going on for so long, they’ve stopped giving me good grades. My mom is upset with me for not doing good enough. She just doesn’t understand, I like to tell myself.


So there’s more pain in beauty than you actually know. There’s not a day that goes by that I don’t wish for my dad back, my grandma, my best friend. I miss their smiling faces, their loud laughter. Everything about them was just beautiful. No beauty will ever make up for my dead loved ones. I don’t care about how many people think that I am pretty. I just want them back, more than any beauty in the world.


So now I never wish that I looked differently. I have to except who I am and be happy with that. You should, too. Believe me, you are beautiful in every way possible.