I'm aching, seeking pleasure is all I want. Every night my body begs for more and more, but this can't go on. My mind can't handle it anymore. I feel like a shadow and I need something to fill this lust. Waking every morning knowing that those thoughts won't disappear and every person that passes me by will see it in my eyes just makes me anxious. Yet, the sensation won't leave. Those who know me fail to see it and thank God, for such things to be know about me will destroy me. Will anything cleanse me? If somebody knew such things about me will they accept me?

These nights seem to only get longer and longer and the flow of time just won't leave me alone. I'm aching, someone talk to me. It's there and I want it, and my body wants it and my mind seeks it and pleasure is found and happiness is found. Then my mind shatters which leads me to reality and frustration forms which leads to pain. This cycle is continuous and as much I want to stop it my lust grows. I'm trash aren't I? The world does not need one like me, right? It is a cold thought, but for me that thought is not far from the truth.

I've been viewed in positive light. No knows the real me, but that nobody's fault but mine. I don't want anybody to know me, for once the truth is heard they'll just all leave me. It is a selfish thought, but don't we seek our own form of happiness. Isn't it lying? It seems like it, but I'm fine with it. You're fine with it, so you're willing to accept the pain? Yes. There's no need for more questions because I've made up with it. The only true friend who accepts me for who I am is the one waits for me at night. We don't fight or have to deal with life's problems. We just seek pleasure and that's all we need.

As time moves on and I grow older I see no end to the darkness that surrounds me and that's alright. This world doesn't care and we're all just selfish creatures, right? So what is wrong with me accepting a terrible fate that I've been seeking. Nothing makes sense anymore and I'm glad. There are no paths for me follow and I can forever be alone. I will walk this sick path of depression, darkness, lust, angst and madness. Who cares anyway. It's not like anybody does anymore.