I live in a world of ups and downs, truths and lies, likes and dislikes just like everyone around me. But you see there is a difference. I never go through it alone for he’s always at my side. This is why he means the world to me. He’s what I want, what I need, and I know it’s the same for him.

Like a fire he consumes everything. My thoughts, my hopes, dreams, wants, fears, you name it he has it. He holds it all in his hand, aware that if he drops it he destroys what’s in the other hand. My trust. Of course, he can always destroy that without dropping what is held in his other but if he did he’d lose it all. And I know that neither of us could live if that happened.

He’d be lost, once again in a world where no one was trusted. Left without someone to trust he’d turn back into ice, this time never to be melted. See it’s not the kind of ice you can melt with salt or heat. This can only be melted with kindness and trust. Not that it makes it any easier. In fact it only makes it harder.

But you wonder how this can be. Well that’s easy. This is the man of no emotions. The man who people say has a black hole for a heart. But it’s only where the ice is thickest.

Chip by tiny chip that ice was finally melted to reveal someone who didn’t know where he stood. A man who was insecure no matter what happened. A man who feared he’d lose what little kindness the world had given him. And this is why, under all that ice, there where walls. Walls that were harder to break than the ice.

These walls are the sole reason for our fights. Not sure where he stands he battles with keeping the walls up and letting me in. Not sure where he stands I’m sometimes pushed out of the safety of the walls, putting a strain on the fragile cord of our relationship.

So you ask why I’m still with him. Why I still love him? It’s simple. He’s my world, my everything, my addiction. He’s the poison that runs through my blood, so easy to get rid of yet at the same time isn’t. For you see if I rid my body of this poison, let my blood flow untainted, I’ll lose a piece of myself.