My heart’s thumping so hard I can’t breathe. I’m gasping for air and I’m shaking. I roll into a ball and scream into my pillow.

“Kill me! KILL ME!” I plain scream for about five minutes. I turn onto my back and my arms and legs jerk in different directions, my chest and legs are lifted up. I imagine knives going into me, hanging myself, getting shot. Anything to try to convince my mind that I’m dead. This never works.

“Someone kill me!” I shriek. Tears flow out of my eyes, covering my cheeks and wetting my shirt. Then, after one last scream comes from me for half a minute, forcing it out till my chest feels compressed, my body collapses. I breathe heavily and shudder then roll back into my ball and roll to the side. I push the memories back into the crevices of my mind and my mind goes blank and all feelings I have are numb.

When I wake up I’m sweating and still shaking. I search for the voice but it’s gone, thank you God, thank you for the break. I hate the voice, it always comes at the worst of moments.

I roll out of bed and land on my knees. My back aches from remembering my neck and back repeatedly being broken. I gasp and clear my head then stand up. I stumble to my bedroom door and go to the living room. The TV’s on and my brother’s sitting on the couch, hugging he’s knees. He’s lanky for sixteen.

When he sees me he jumps up and hugs me.

“How bad was it this time?” He asks.

“Not entirely horrible, but like always bad.” I hold onto him and shudder.

“What was it?”

“Back and neck being snapped in half in different places over and over.”

“Wow.” He’s still not used to hearing about the visions, it surprises him every time. “Well, now what?”

“Just please try to get me to forget about it.” I mumble. Without hesitating he grabs my hand and walks me to the garage and into his car. The garage door opens and we drive out. I sigh and try to relax as I see the country side going by. Max always brings me here when it happens, no parents.

I try to think and focus my mind on where Max might take me this time. We usually go to the mall and spend some money. I don’t like doing it, we’re poor enough.

My mind starts to wander and fade out, then immediately sharpens, then fades again. I feel high and weak. Max reaches over and holds my hand, this calms me some.

“Don’t worry, we’ll find someone to help you.” He bites his lip and sighs. Under his eyes are dark bags. The visions last a few hours and he was probably on the computer researching. He’s been trying to find psychics, therapists, priests, counselors, and other people with stories like mine. No luck; I went to see a priest once to have exorcism but nothing happened. The voice was quiet and I heard nothing. That was one of the most discouraging things in my life and also one where I could actually get my emotions up without it coming out because someone was near. The voice knows my brother Max always stays with me and so him being with me doesn’t matter. Max just doesn’t like being in the room because it scares him. He’s sixteen and I’m fourteen.

“Did you find anyone this time?” I mumble, knowing the answer.

“No.” He whispers, ashamed.

“Oh.” We’re quiet. Finally we pull into the parking lot of the mall and I get out. Max comes around the other side and hands me his debit card.

“There’s fifty dollars on it.” He says.

“Where did you get that money?” I ask, almost shocked. He only works at a small corner store three miles away from our house for minimum wage. And he always gives our dad most of the money.

“I’ve saved up for a while, it’s better then cash.

I hand it back to him. “I’m not using it.”

“Alex,” He pleads. He looks at me, begging. I sigh and take it, but I put it in my back pocket, I won’t use it. We walk in and Max looks around, obviously uncomfortable. He hates the mall. I give him a small smile and he walks towards the skateboards. I follow him and he looks at the same one he always does, a black one with a white cross. I mess with my purity ring and my heart sinks. I think about my church friends and tears begin to come. Before I get to worked up though I start walking towards my favorite store.

I head towards the back when I walk in too look at the hand gloves, I need some new ones, my dad almost saw last week. I pick out some black silk lace ones and slip them on. No way can I afford these with my twenty dollar bill and I’m not using the credit card.

Take them…I hear whispers in the back of my head. My body lurches in half and my throat closes up. I suck in large breaths but that makes me dizzy and I sway. My hands move automatically, taking off the gloves and starting to put them in my pocket. My teeth grind together trying to fight back, my back seizing up from my restraint clashing with it’s.

Take them…It whispers louder. Please, don’t let anyone come back here and see me like this. My knees buckle and I fall onto my back and start twitching on the ground. I rip my hands from my pocket, pulling out the gloves and feel around for something to grab blindly. A hand touches mine and lies flow in to explain to the person why I was doing what I was doing. My eyes open and see that Max is already taking off the gloves and once my hands no longer feel the silk my body relaxes. I moan and rub my back. Max pulls me up and takes me out of the store. I close my eyes and he leads me to a different part of the mall. I open my eyes when I am seated and smell food. We’re on a bench in the food court.

“What happened in there?” Max questions.

“I was trying on gloves and