There’s a lot of talk about what dying feels like. Some people say it’s pain, some say you slip into numbness and some say you burn. But no one ever said it would be the best and worst moment of your life. No one ever said that your dying moment would stay with you forever after death. And no one ever said that if you were reborn, if you lived again that moment would visit you in dreams. That it would haunt you forever but sometimes you would wish you could see it all again. Because that’s what dying is like. Your life flashes before your eyes, they say. You assume it’s the big things, the big moments. Your birth, your wedding, your first day of school. I see all that. I see all that was and all that could be. I see my moms face as she holds me for the first time. I see me meeting my best friend and meeting my worst enemy. I see my first day of kindergarten, my first day of elementary school, my first day of junior high and my first day of high school. I see myself getting accepted into Harvard and my first day there. And then I see all that could be. I see me graduating college and getting a job. I see me getting married and having kids. Retiring and having grandkids. I see me slipping off in my sleep after a long happy life. I see my funereal. Barely any people there I actually care about because all the important ones were already gone. And then I see the small moments. Laughing my head off with my best friends and sneaking into a movie that we were to young for. My dad chasing me around the house trying to get me to take a bath and the first time I wore make up. Sneaking in after curfew after a long night of partying and the only time I ever skipped school. I see my first kiss and my first break up. The first time I told a boy I loved them and the time I cried in the bathroom. The time I did a 10 hour long movie marathon and the time I studied for my exams for 10 extra hours. I saw all the good memories and all the bad ones. All the small ones and all the big ones. And I saw all the futures. The big ones and small ones, the good ones and bad ones. The ones I’d never have. And then it went black. All inky darkness swallowing the light up. And then everything was far to bright. And I squeezed my eyes shut. I heard voices and whispers and then it was dark again. I am dead. And I shall never experience the beauty of life again.