In a land far away the king of nocte ignis is riding through the country on his trusty zebra achmed the dead. When all of a sudden the heavens part and a voice calls down “Alan”, he replies “almighty” and kneels onto the ground, god “oiy stop that”, Alan “stop what?” god “that kneeling”, Alan “oh yes sorry sir”, god “don’t call me sir I work for a living”, Alan “then what shall I call you?” god “you may call me bill,” Alan “yes almighty bill what is it you wish of me?” god “I want you to find the holy pineapple and bring it back here to me!” Alan “wait your god you know all can’t you do that yourself?” god “DO NOT QUESTION ME!!!!” Alan “yes of course I apologize,” god “Good now go forth and put together a band of the bravest knights in all the realm.” Alan “as you wish.”

So Alan rode forth to the kingdom of ballvander where he came across the castle of moonpie where he finds Sir Philip the Brave, who he convinces to join him in his quest for the holy pineapple. Then with Sir Philip by his side Alan rode to the kingdom of Gaul where he finds Lady Lindsay the Bold, the fiercest warrior in all the realm. Lady Lindsay agreed to join them in their quest then with Lady Lindsay and Sir Philip and Alan rode forth through the land of wow to the castle of sham. Where they found Sir Wow of the sham who declined to join them but sent his son Sir Thomas of the Silk in his stead. So with Sir Thomas the band of knights rode to the land of katoo and there they find Sir Preston of the Cheese. He agrees to join them under one condition they must come up with a name. Alan “then we shall hence forth be called the order of the eternal flame.” All applaud. Then they set out to find Brother Steven the Keeper of the Map. They rode through all the realm when finally they found him in the monastery of knowledge. He then informed them that if they defeated the man eating beast of Kraple Cove and proved their worth that the map would appear to them so the order of the eternal flame set out for Kraple Cove.

When they arrived at Kraple Cove they began searching for the beast then all of a sudden from the sky came a gigantic fire ball. They turn and look, the beast was behind them. King Alan gave the order to charge Lady Lindsay from the right flank, Sir Thomas from the left, King Alan and Sir Philip down the center. Then when all seems lost Sir Preston comes up from behind the man eating beast of Kraple Cove jumps on its back and beheads it. Inside its mouth they find scroll of secrets on which is half of the map to the holy pineapple. Alan rallies his knights and they ride to the first place on the map, the village of yodinheim, where they must defeat the village guard in a battle of wits. On their way to yodinheim they come across the mythical castle of Roma where the legendary centurion guard is rumored to be. Alan decides to stop and ask the centurion guard to join them in their quest fortunately they agreed to join Alan and the order of the eternal flame.

So, Alan, the order of the eternal flame, and the centurion guard journey to yodinheim and challenge the village guard in a battle of wits. Sir Thomas steps up to challenge the guard first. Guard “what is your name? What is your favorite color? What is your quest?” Sir Thomas “I am Sir Thomas of the Silk, my favorite color is blue, my quest is for the holy pineapple.” Guard “you may pass” Sir Preston is next Guard “What is your name? What is your favorite color? What is my middle name?” Sir Preston “Sir Preston of the Cheese, purple, how the bloody hell am I supposed to k now that?” Guard “you may not pass you shall be fed to the frost giants” Sir Preston is fed to the frost giants. King Alan is next to step up Guard “What is your name? What is your favorite color? What is the top speed of an elephant?” Alan “Alan King of nocte ignis, red, Asian or African?” Guard “I don’t know that” guard is fed to the frost giants the rest pass without challenge. Then in the village of yodinheim they spit up to find the scroll of destiny and the other half of the map. Lady Lindsay found a strange looking temple when she investigates it she finds the scroll of destiny then blows the horn of triumph to let the others know she has found it and to regroup. After they regroup in the village square and decipher the scroll they combine the two pieces of the map and set out for Caledonia and the bridge of dread.
When they arrive they see that someone has to cross the gaping expanse and lower the bridge. Now while Alan and the knights argue about how to get over Lady Lindsay the Bold realized she could hit the lever to release the bridge with a dagger. So she pulls out a dagger and throws it and it hits “thud” right on the lever the bridge drops. All the men look around and see Lindsay smiling Turns out the bridge of dread wasn’t that dreadful after all.
They then rode down the demalt road through the forest of Eten to the pit of despair. When they reached the pit of despair they began strategizing on how they would get across. Sir Thomas gets bored with the conversation and wanders off into the forest of Eten. When he finds his way back to the group they are all wallowing in despair when Sir Thomas trips and falls into the pit of despair and finds that it’s just an illusion. So they cross the pit and ride into the valley of three.
The valley of three is where they must face their toughest obstacle yet; they must prove their worth in the three trials. The first to prove your bravery, the second to prove ones intelligence, and the third to prove ones faith. Nobody has ever attempted the three trials and survived. When they came upon the first trial they realized how hard this would be. The first challenge would be to cross the abyss of casa doom on a very thin rope bridge. So obviously Sir Phillip the Brave would be the first to cross but unfortunately he was busy cowering in fear. So lady Lindsay went first followed by Sir Thomas, the Centurion Guard, and finally king Alan with Sir Phillip the “Brave” clinging to him. Then they come to the misty cave of babala where they encounter the second trial. They must solve the riddle to pass “when is a door is not a door?” they sit for two days guessing random things when Sir Thomas realizes how simple the answer is. He gets up and yells “WHEN IT’S AJAR!!” then two giant doors appear and open and they are blinded by the light pouring out. Once the light subsides they see that there is a passage way across the pit of faith. Where only a true believer may find the way across. King Alan steps out into the pit and lands on the path of faith the others then follow. Then they make their way up the passage way and into the land of Mao. Where they must track down Samwise the keeper and convince him to lead them to the holy pineapple. When they reach the village of misery (which actually a quite happy place) they learn that Samwise has been abducted by Jim the evil sorcerer and that he is being held in Jims lair just outside the village of Shalala. So they set out to rescue Samwise before evil Jim can torture the location of the holy pineapple out of him. When they arrive on the outskirts of Shalala they begin searching for evil Jim’s lair. They search everywhere and just can’t find it so they decided to question some of the villagers. One of the villagers decides to help them he says that he can lead them to evil Jims lair. So they set out from the village and rode a league and a half when the village stop and pointed then said “there that is the place you seek.” Then after the villager rode off they began planning their attack on evil Jim’s lair. When all of a sudden Sir Thomas says “ I know how to do it Lindsay and I will sneak in grab Samwise and get out as fast as we can.” So Sir Thomas and Lady Lindsay Sneak in, they wind their way through the labyrinth and find their way to the cell where Samwise is being held. They quietly break open the cell grab Samwise and lead him out. When they regroup Samwise asks them to tell him of their journey then when they are done he says you have proven yourselves worthy I shall take you to the Holy Pineapple. The next morning they set off with Samwise they travel for three days and nights. Until they arrive on the banks of the isle of the mystic caves once there they hike through the dense jungle until they come across a vast cave system. Samwise tells them to follow their instincts. They begin crawling through dark slippery insect fill caves when they come across a hallway carved out of the rock. They barely escape a few traps and evade the rest. Then they arrive at a massive door that they push open and there in the middle of the circular room on a pedestal is the Holy Pineapple. Alan carefully walks up and gently removes it from the pedestal and the ground begins to shake and rumble. They run as fast as they can out the doors down the hall through the caves. When they immerge from the caves they find that the villager that had led them to evil Jim was actually evil Jim and that he and his minions were holding Samwise hostage. Jim demands that Alan hand over the Holy Pineapple as Alan goes to hand it to him Lady Lindsay jumps out from behind Alan stabs Jim through the neck and rushes Samwise to safety. The then an epic battle ensues between the Centurion Guard and Jims minions. As there are fighting Alan and his knight’s jump on their steeds and ride all the way back to nocte ignis where they are met with a hero’s welcome until they reach the palace that is. When they reach the palace King Alan’s wife Queen leafy the second was very angry she storms out of the palace grabs him by the ear and drags him into the palace yelling at him. While all of the knight’s laugh so hard sir Thomas falls of his giraffe.