My insecure self

Being new at a school wasn't easy especially if you’re a colored student going to a school where white was the norm. I came from Mundelein schools where most of the kids looked like me. Little brown Hispanic kids with clothes from second-hand stores and sometimes even Walmart IF we got lucky. Immediately I knew I was gonna have difficulties fitting in and being Mexican and Honduran was already hard enough, I have two cultures that I had to balance in my life and it was Tough, for some people I wasn't Mexican enough, and for other people I wasn't Honduran enough, so being “American” wasn't really a worry of mine.

I started my first day of school and I was as shy as can be.  I remember going to lunch and sitting down with a group of pretty white girls that seemed nice. I took out the Honduran lunch my dad had packed for me, It looked amazing. It was a Platano Frito y Arroz con Frijoles which is fried banana with rice and beans, the typical Honduran lunch. immediately the pretty NICE white girls made mean remarks about my food and how weird it looked, “ew what is that it looks gross, is that a rotten banana?” They were like hyenas taking turns tormenting their prey.

I scooted to the very edge of the lunch table and kept on eating my food. I sat and thought about my culture, I  soon became embarrassed of it and didn't wanna eat Honduran and Mexican cuisine anymore, I started to bring more typical American food, and tried to dress more “American”, I started to wear the brand Pink and I got my mom to buy me =ggs to fit in for the winter because I saw all the girls wear them, I would also shop at the super overpriced stores at the mall such as PacSun, Abercrombie and American Eagle.  I would also straighten my hair to try and hide my thick, voluminous, wavy Latina hair. At home I would deny the amazing fresh meals that were given to me, my mom would make Arroz con Pollo, Tamales, and Pozole but I would substitute it for cereal, sandwiches, or anything more American, my mother and father would say to me “eat real food for once” but my stubborn self would never listen. 

Fast forward a couple of years I was in my first year of high school and I still had the same mindset about my culture. At my high school, there are tons of students that looked like me, which made me feel quite comfortable. My school held an event called the Cultural Fair where people from different countries talked about their culture. My Spanish class headed down to the fair and we all spread apart to look at the variety of cultures. It was pretty cool to see the diversity I thought to myself. I came across the Brazilian table and stopped to see what they had, the girl started talking to me about her culture, “I love my culture so much because it defines who I am” I said thank you to the girl and I thought about how I was afraid to embrace my Honduran and Mexican culture because I thought people would think I'm weird, but really it's not weird, it's different and it's okay to be different, I pondered throughout the rest of the day about how childish I was in middle school and how ignorant I was to try to get rid of something that makes me unique.

Thinking back to middle school I regret not defending myself about my culture which I now love and its food because overall my cultures are very unique and the food is amazing especially the “rotten banana” that's actually fried, and nowadays I eat my weird Honduran food in peace, not caring what other people think.