Self confidence has always been a hard concept to grasp for me. I used to hate myself, i’d crying about every night because I hated how I looked. I don’t think I ever went and actually talked to my family about it because they never understood what I meant. I’m the middle child to an older sister and a younger brother. It sucks growing up with a beautiful sister. I’d always compare myself to her. I’d wish I was skinny like her, she has the prettiest eyes you’d ever see. Such a great personality, everyone was her friend. I felt like I was the exact opposite, uneven body, stomach to big for my boobs, face too fat, eyes to small, any flaw I could point out on my body, I would. I’ve always been a bigger girl, ever since i was a little girl i was bigger than the other girls. I used to always think that the reason I didn’t have as many friends was because i was too big. I remember a time where i was out playing in the playground at school and i was walking along the fence line alone and i had walked by this boy and he looked at me and called me ugly. I think I was in fifth grade and that stuck with me till this day. I’ve never been the prettiest girl in the room but hearing that at about 10 years old does something to you. That’s the moment I began to put myself down all the time. I’m a known overthinker, always thinking of the absolute worst possibilities. I think that’s why my self confidence was so bad. I always thought that someone was judging me, looking at me and pointing out my worst flaws. Growing up with the internet was rough. Especially on a 10 year old girl with self confidence issues. Seeing these beautiful women on these magazines, and on tv made me think that to be beautiful you had to be skinny or born pretty. I surely thought I was neither of those. I got a phone when i was in fifth grade, snapchat had just came out and i thought it was the coolest thing out there. I soon went to middle school and had got on all the coolest media apps and about everyone in my grade had a phone by then. There were these anonymous things that you could put on your snapchat so people could say things to you without them knowing it was you, people used to call me ugly and fat. They’d call me a lesbian because i’d never had a boyfriend before. Sixth and Seventh grade was very hard for me. I hated myself so much more than i had ever before. I was the ugliest out of my friend group, anyone you’d ask could tell you that. No one took me seriously and I wasn’t ever good enough for anyone. The friends I had in elementary were all the cool kids and they all had a boyfriend. They stopped being my friend in middle school because i wasn’t like them. Looking back i’m very grateful that they pushed me away because i wouldn’t have the people in my life that I do right now if they hadn’t pushed me away. Eighth grade was an alright year. I still hated myself, i had very bad acne and i started gaining weight because i ate when i was sad and that was about all the time. I had friends but they thought that the things I did sometimes were stupid. I began to show people different sides of me and never let anyone in fully. I had liked this boy and thought that he had liked me but actually he would talk crap about me behind my back to make his friends think he was cool. He’d call me ugly and fat to his friends and tell them that I was annoying. Jokes on him though, he moved and not one of them has even talked to him since. That’s what you get pal. Besides the point. I didn’t really trust people and I let the wrong people in. I let people walk all over me and i let them call me these horrible things. I was told once that i belonged in the six hundred pound club when i showed them a picture of myself when i thought for once that i had actually looked pretty. Overthinking overcame my life to the point that I barely had any friends. Highschool has been a turning point for my life. I met my best friend. They let me be myself without feeling stupid. They made me love myself. The most important thing in life is to love yourself, because if you can’t love yourself you can’t love another person. Everyone is beautiful in their own unique way. Self love is the most important love. Not everyone can look the same, no matter how much plastic surgery you get you will always be you. I learned to love how I look because that is the way the universe wanted me to look. I was put on this earth for a reason and I look how I look for a reason.  Love yourself before you love anyone else because you have yourself forever, everyone else is temporary.